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I honestly don’t even know who I am right now.
All I know is I want to be happy.
I want to start enjoying life again.
I want to get back into writing and photography.
I want to do well and like my job again.
I want to start a family, be pregnant again.
I want to go back to school, and start a career. In something I actually like.
I want to have friends. But that rarely ever happens.
I want to not wake up everyday and fall asleep every night alone.
I want to completely skip deployment.
I want to move someplace far, far away.
I want to dance, laugh, smile too much, and take too many pictures.
I want to be the person I use to be.
I want to stop disappointing everyone in my life.
I want to make everyone happy. Somehow?
And yet, all of that has consequences. EVERY SINGLE THING.
How am I supposed to be happy, when I can’t even be myself?
Hell, honestly, I don’t even know how to be happy right now.
I can’t even make myself go to the barn. Which is weird for me.
I just want to be happy, why is that so much to ask?
Tags: ldr, military life, military love, military wife, milso, milso problems, Navy SO, navy wife, Navy life, navy love, depressed, depression, not myself, someone help me, imissme, who the hell am i, whats happiness, no point in trying, im a disappointment, alone, why cant i be happy, fuck it, i give up,